People with this thinking error will tell you they can’t help the way they act, that’s the way they’re wired. Their excuse implies you’ll just have to accept their bad behavior, forgive them anyway, and not expect them to change. Often, when living with someone who says this, others around will actually offer more excuses than the person himself (herself) does.
These are just some of the lame excuses offered to explain unacceptable behavior. In the case of an abuser, it’s the wife who typically makes the most excuses, even though, paradoxically, she will also complain more about his behavior than anyone else.
There was a 62-year old pedophile who was finally arrested and sent to prison after 25 years of raping and molesting dozens of little boys. His wife knew he was a pedophile because he had spent two years molesting her own child, covered for him, and even babysat other people’s children and left them alone with him. When he was finally caught, the wife said, “He has the mentality of a 14-year old”, followed by, “He’s very immature and thinks he’s on the same level as the children he rapes.” In other words, he couldn’t help himself.
Well, nice try. This is just more hogwash invented by self-centered people and their enablers to allow them to get away with murder, so to speak. And it puts the victim in an impossible position. How can we expect people who claim they can’t control themselves, that they can’t help it when they do things that are wrong, to be able to respect our own boundaries and limits?
Continue to Chapter 11